Close Every Door to Me

Sometimes, the mask of cheerfulness needs to come off. Sometimes, life makes me sick. Sometimes, it doesn't feel like there's any right answer.

Then, God finds some way to speak to me. Whether through a devotion, a friend, an absolute stranger, He finds me. This time, He found me through Shane. Shane wrote a beautiful sermon about having a relationship with God and trusting Him to lead you down the right path. It's hard. It's really, really hard. Some days, it almost doesn't feel worth the struggle. But then I remember that God loves me. I'll never understand why, but He does. And He has a plan. I just have to trust.

Now, I feel like I'm rambling. I'm just in one of those moods where I know God loves me, but at the moment that doesn't make me feel much better. Probably because I know the ways I've let Him down. "I'm wicked, I'm weary of breaking His heart with a cycle of my sin... Still He turns His face to me, and I kiss it, just to betray Him once again." Ah, the wisdom of Andrew Peterson.

I suppose it would be kind of me to explain my title for this post. So often, I try to find the path God wants me to take, but I choose horribly. I go one way, and God closes a door. So, I try a different path. Another door shuts in my face. I, like a sheep, have gone astray. I have turned to my own way, and God has blessedly saved me. So, the title is both sad and happy. God is closing doors, but eventually, hopefully, I'll find the open one.

And, if you chose to read through my ramblings, I thank you for your consideration.